[3AM]

As someone who’s struggled with low self-esteem along other likely undiagnosed things which maybe someday I’ll go to the doc about.

It’s rather easy to get triggered by negativity.

To allow someone to take your inner peace because they can’t seem to find their own.

I haven’t always dealt with it in the best of ways if we’re being completely honest.

I can recall being called a “stupid-mexican” by one of my peers in what was it maybe 4th or 5th grade just because we were all playing some game in gym and I got distracted… so I was in their way. Which yes admittedly I was. But I wasn’t trying to start trouble. I must’ve been in some idea 💡 loop, to get distracted. Mind y’all I knew it took me hours of isolation and dedication to achieve the good grades I did earn, but it hurt nonetheless.

YEARS LATER

Approximately 4 years later, in the 8th grade when I dated my first boyfriend. The same peer, thought it appropriate to tell my best friend at the time, that they couldn’t understand how my boyfriend and I ended up together. He was weird and I was ugly. Oooff!, I’ve Yet to understand where all their hate came from. I can only guess but that’ll have to be a conversation for another day.

The reason why I’m bringing up these two instances that I’ve carried with me for over a decade is because bullies exist even in adulthood. Admittedly sometimes I’ve caught myself in moments where I’ve displayed behavior that wasn’t called for. And that’s what I think might make the difference …admitting when we are wrong. Or even admitting we don’t know or we need help. Or admitting that to some degree we might be jealous or envious perhaps even intimidated. Maybe it’s something to be determined on an individual basis, whether it should be shared. However, part of deciphering yourself involves facing your own insecurities, self-doubts, issues and faults. Take the time to gain understanding of all your scars and wounds, regardless of when and where they were created.

[4:40 AM]

[5:10 AM EDIT]

𝑃.𝑆. 𝐼𝑓 𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑢𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛’𝑡 𝑔𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑓𝑢𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒.

𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠,

𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑖 [:),<3.]